The BackPage


OK, so you've finally given up on the notion that your dream mate is going door to door to find you. You recognize the fact that in order to meet women, you need to actually leave your house. You further realize that no matter what anyone says, the highest concentration of attractive females tends to be at nightclubs. Your last remaining problem is overcoming the paralyzing fear that tends to accompany talking to women in said clubs. Not to worry bunky, we at SCROOMtimes have got you covered. That's right, the hard working staff of the backpage, the same folks that brought you the Pre-date Agreement, have come up with yet another weapon to help our overmatched brethren in the war of the sexes. We our proud to present a game that will soon sweep the nation, drawing as it does on the twin driving forces of man's character, overwhelming fear of women and his unhealthy love of competition. We give you...Nightclub Hunting.

The Rules

  1. Scoring
    • one point for a rejection
    • one point for a repeat acceptance
    • three points for an acceptance
    • five points if she asks you (you must accept to collect points)
    • ten points for a phone number
    • if you take her home you win
    • all scores are doubled if she has a date present (hereafter referred to as a big ugly growth or bug for short)
    • bonus points may be given for a variety of reasons (i.e. most creative rejection, kissing, erotic touching, etc.)
  2. How to play
    • the first phase of the game is target acquisition. For obvious reasons, this is best done while reasonably sober. Targets must be agreed to by at least two players. This prevents piling up points by going after the "aesthetically challenged". Remember - the point of this game is to talk to women you might want to date. So always start at the top and work your way down.
    • Once targets have been acquired, the hunt begins. The game operates on the honor system with each individual keeping his own score. All scoring questions must be decided by the players themselves, always keeping the sanctity of the sport in mind. It wise to check each others progress on a regular basis. The game is fast paced and fortunes can change quickly.
  3. Winning the game
    • The winner is the player with the most points at the end of the evening. Except in the case of someone actually taking a woman home (as discussed in scoring above). If this situation should ever occur, that player is the evening's winner, and the game is over. This gives the other players a chance to quietly reflect on their comrade's accomplishment, or get really stinking drunk in order to forget his accomplishment.

Well, those are the basic rules. It's expected that you will refine them somewhat as you play. Two important things to remember: first, never, under any circumstances, let the women know about the game while it is in progress. Women tend to have a somewhat negative initial reaction to the game. Their second reaction is that they want to play too, which leads us to the second important rule. Never play the game with a woman, she will clean your clock. Enjoy, gentlemen.