Volume 1, Number 3 -- October, 1996

The BackPage

Lawyer Jokes!  These jokes have been taken from The Drunk Tank's Lawyer Joke Page. Actually, there are two of them. There are more there than there are lawyers in California (not really - I don't think that is possible). Check it out!
Q: What's the worst part about seeing 5 lawyers in Cadillac go over a cliff?
A: A Cadillac seats six
Q: Sadam Housain and a lawyer are buried neck deep in sand, who do you kick in the teeth first??
A: Housain, Business before pleasure
Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.
Q: What's the difference between a female attorney and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A: A Doberman
Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What is the definition of a lawyer?
A: A mouth with a life-support system.
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: Why is an avocado like a lawyer? (both are "avocat" in French)
A: Both have hearts like stones.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched during a campaign, they can rarely be recalled. And when they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

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