Volume 3, Number 11
Well hello Kids, Skippy is here with you once again. It has been awhile
since we have been able to have one of our little visits hasn't it? Or
maybe it's just been awhile since I paid any attention to what I wrote.
Ah well no matter, I am back in the swing of things now kids and that
means two very important things. First, more knowledge for you and second,
I really need to get out more. But then we all knew that didn't we?
I don't know about you, but for me Autumn is always a time for introspection.
A time to look at where I am and how I got here. A period of reflection in
an otherwise "no looking back" kind of life. It's sort of a little game that
I play, looking at some choices I've made and wondering what might have been
had I chosen differently.
Of course it is a can of worms that can be dangerous to open. You can find
your self regretting playing things one way when you are certain (in
hindsight) that you should have played them another. For the most part
though, it's a reaffirmation that you did the best you could with what you
had to work with at the time. Still and all, you have to think that a few
of your choices could have been better thought out...
- Maybe when you left her because you couldn't handle spending the night
you should have stayed.
- Maybe you wouldn't have needed to "see other people" if you would have
looked a little closer.
- Maybe you should have ignored your friends' advice and driven the 400
miles just to tell her that you loved her.
- Maybe you should have waited to make love to her because you just knew
at the time that she wasn't ready for that sort of step.
- Maybe when she left that message saying that she wanted to marry you
right then, without waiting, you should have gone for it without pondering
the wisdom of it all.
- Maybe that first time she left you, you should have just let her go.
- Maybe you should have talked to her, instead of just letting her pass
by you on the street without a word.
- Maybe you should have filled up those silences with an occasional "I
- Maybe it wouldn't have hurt to tell the truth when she asked if you
still loved her.
- Maybe it wouldn't have hurt for her to lie a little when you asked
- Maybe you shouldn't have sent that letter.
- Maybe you should have sent that letter.
- Maybe instead of assuming that she knew how you felt, you should have
told her now and then.
- Maybe you shouldn't have passed by that florist every day for five
years and never once stopped to pick her up some flowers.
- Maybe, just once, you should have asked her how her day was and meant it.
- Maybe you should have worried less about what everyone else would think
and instead worried about what you thought.
- Maybe you should have worried less about what you thought and instead
worried about what you felt.
- Maybe you should have never let her move away.
- Maybe you should have gone with her.
- Maybe when things got tough and you barely spoke anymore, you should
have taken that as a sign to try harder at making things works instead of
as your cue to bail.
- Maybe you should have lived your whole life never knowing what it was
like to cheat on someone that you love.
- Maybe when you were in the middle of another fight with her, instead
of trying to remember that last time she did something wrong, you should
have remembered what it felt like to hold her just before you both drifted
off to sleep.
- Maybe you should have reminded yourself from time to time why it was
you fell in love with her.
- Maybe you didn't need to know all that badly what it was like to be
- Maybe you shouldn't have gotten married because all of your friends
were, but because she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of you
- Maybe you should have realized when you got married it was for the rest
of your life.
- Maybe you should have made the time to watch that sunset with her, but
there was always another sunset tomorrow wasn't there?
- Maybe you shouldn't have waited for it to be like the movies, but
accepted that it was just like reality.
Maybe when all is said and done, you blew it. You muffed it countless
times, in countless ways and you will never be able to go back and undo
all that you did in the name of rationality and good sense and whatever
reason you came up with to justify the mistakes that you made. In the
end you were just a big kid who thought only of yourself when it really
counted and now you are left with only yourself for comfort.
Maybe you regret it and maybe you don't, but one thing is sure, you
will always wonder if perhaps you let the right one slip away because the
time wasn't right or the situation was too complicated or you just weren't
ready to make that sort of commitment. But regret can only get you so far
and eventually you have to move on and hope that next time (and there will
be a next time, right?) you will have learned a little something and you
will do it better and you won't let this one slip away. Or maybe you will
crank up the rationalization engine and she will be too short or too tall
or too something and you will have another little episode to add to your
list of regrets.
Hopefully, in the end, you won't be left with just that list, hopefully
you will someday take the chance and it will work and you will be happy.
Because trust me when I tell you that there is nothing fulfilling or
comforting about being the proud owner of the above list.