Last Modified: Oct 1, 1995


TO: All Employees



It has been brought to the attention of the management that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal communication between employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

Management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the management has compiled the following coded list. It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize these coded phrases, so the proper exchange of ideas and information continues.

No f*cking way! I'm not sure that's feasible
You've got to be sh*tting me. Really?
Tell someone who gives a f*ck. Perhaps you should check with...
Ask me if I give a f*ck! Of course I'm concerned
It's not my f*cking problem I wasn't involved with that project
What the f*ck?? Interesting behaviour.
F*ck it, it won't work. I'm not sure that I can implement this
Why the f*ck didn't they tell me this sooner? I'll try to schedule that.
When the f*ck do they expect me to do this? Perhaps I can work late.
Who the f*ck cares? Are you sure it's a problem?
He's got his head up his ass. He's not familiar with the situation
Eat Sh*t! You don't say?
Eat sh*t and die! Excuse me?
Eat sh*t and die, motherf*cker! Excuse me, sir?
What the f*ck do they want from my life? They weren't happy with it?
Kiss my ass! So you'd like to help with it?
F*ck it, I'm on break! I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
Shove it up your ass! I don't think you understand
This job s*cks. I love a challenge
Who the hell died and made you boss? You want me to take care of this?
Blow me. I see.

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copyright © 1995 Andrew Wallace