Volume 2 , Number 10
Nov , 1997
Skippy Special: A Sit Down at the Big Table
Hey kids!
Hey Kids, this is your lucky month. The powers that be have decided to
let the ol' Skipster out of the "regular SCROOM" ghetto for a change.
Why would they do this wonderful thing you ask? Simple really, they
wanted a puff piece on one of our Big Kahunas, and who better to do
the job than yours truly. That's right folks, this month I am going
to be interviewing our editor-in-chief, Dean Shutt. Dean is one of the
founding fathers of this little rag...er...mag. Sure I have all the
talent, but Dean (and his loyal sidekick Andy) is the one who brought
me in to give the joint some class. So without further ado, let's get
cracking shall we?
Skippy- Good to have you here Dean
Dean- Good to be here Skip. I have been looking
forward to...
S- Don't call me Skip
D- I'll call you anything I want, pinhead. Don't
forget who it is that runs the show around here.
S- watch it fanboy, we all know who the talent is
at this magazine.
D- yeah man, you really bring in the bucks. Why,
without you, we probably wouldn't make any money at all off of
this little venture. Hell, if I didn't have you carrying me with
your massive legion of fans, I'd probably have to give up the
mansion and the six cars. Why...
S- OK, OK, you made your point. Let's just move on,
shall we
D- Sure thing Skip. Always a pleasure.
S- OK, so what possessed you to start a web 'zine?
D- Well, for one thing I wanted to be able to write
whatever I wanted without having to worry about it being approved.
If I wanted to do a story on a subject that interested me, I didn't
want to have to deal with some editor telling me to write something
else.
S- So then you have a problem with authority?
D- Only when it doesn't agree with my preconceived
notions. Second, we wanted a place to showcase talent that otherwise
might not be published. Andy and I both feel that there is a lot of
undiscovered talent out there because traditional media are unwilling
or unable to publish them.
S- So then it wasn't just about meeting babes?
D- Excuse me?
S- Babes, chicks, skirts... that's really why you do
this, right?
D- Where did you get a twisted idea like that?
S- Your bio...
D- That was a joke you putz, we didn't put in all this
work just to meet women. I was kidding, you know, that famous
SCROOMtimes sarcastic sense of humor...
S- Uh Huh, right, OK, So what's ahead for the magazine?
D- It was a joke you know.
S- Get past it man.
D- OK, What's ahead? Well we want to expand the
merchandise line.
S- In what way?
D- You know, hats, bumper stickers, more T-shirt
designs, possibly a line of home essentials...
S- Bumper Stickers?
D- Yeah, among other things
S- I've got one for you
D- Let's hear it.
S- "I'm smarter than you, I read Skippy"
D- Your modesty overwhelms.
S- What could I possibly have to be modest about?
D- Want that alphabetical? Or would you prefer it
on a timeline?
S- Piss off nancyboy, we know who the talent is
around here...
D- Yeah, the poor bastard that has to edit your slop...
S- Slop!!!! Slop!!!! What the hell are you talking
about slop!!!! I am a professional journalist damn it!!!! Every month
I turn out high quality insight and commentary on the human condition
and you call it slop!!!!
D- You turned your last story in written on two cocktail
napkins and a burger wrapper. The spellcheck crashed six times on the
first paragraph. We still haven't been able to get the smell out of
the scanner...
S- I told you not to run Tony's column through there...
D- Please, you know as well as I do that Tony doesn't
write columns for months ending in 'R'.
S- OK, you got me there...So why didn't my picture go
up with everyone else's?
D- A picture of you? Are you insane? Isn't our
circulation small enough already?
S- What the hell are you getting at? We're twins for
Christ's sake.
D- You haven't left the house in three years. You look
like a pale version of a heroin addict. I am frankly stunned you would
even suggest that we put your picture where decent people might see
it. My God man, we may have looked alike at one time. Now though, after
all the booze and the drugs, you look like Lurch's second cousin, you
look like a cave-in victim, you look like...
S- You know if this just going to be one long attack
on me, we can stop right now.
D- You're right, I apologize, give me another question.
S- Well...ummm...actually I don't have any more questions.
D- That's all you have? You ask me like three actual
magazine related questions and that's it? This is what you call
professional journalism? What about our responsibility to our readers
to give them High quality, in depth writing every month?
S- Oh give me a break. We're going to have to chop the
shit out of this anyway. We're already running too long for our readers
to make to the end without drooling on themselves.
D- Oh I don't know about that I think our readers...
S- Oh stop sucking up, they're a pack of mouthbreathers
and you know it.
D- I don't know about that...
S- You realize of course, they don't know where we live.
D- They are sort of a pack of sorry geeks. I mean how
tough is it to throw a rant up every now then and they can't even
manage that. We put this wonderful little magazine out for their
enjoyment every month and can they even bother to respond to anything
we do?!? No! They just sit back on their sorry asses and stare at it
all glassy eyed and slackjawed. It's like writing for the cast of
deliverance...
S- Feel better now do we?
D- Actually yeah I do. I can see why you're always so
calm around deadlines now.
S- Indeed. Well thanks for sitting down with me.
D- My pleasure Skip.
S-Don't call me that!!!!
D- Yeah, whatever, back in the closet...
