Buy a Damned T-Shirt!
Volume 2 , Number 10
Nov , 1997

Clever Skippy Icon
Skippy Special: A Sit Down at the Big Table

 Hey kids! Hey Kids, this is your lucky month. The powers that be have decided to let the ol' Skipster out of the "regular SCROOM" ghetto for a change. Why would they do this wonderful thing you ask? Simple really, they wanted a puff piece on one of our Big Kahunas, and who better to do the job than yours truly. That's right folks, this month I am going to be interviewing our editor-in-chief, Dean Shutt. Dean is one of the founding fathers of this little Sure I have all the talent, but Dean (and his loyal sidekick Andy) is the one who brought me in to give the joint some class. So without further ado, let's get cracking shall we?
 Skippy- Good to have you here Dean
 Dean- Good to be here Skip. I have been looking forward to...
 S- Don't call me Skip
 D- I'll call you anything I want, pinhead. Don't forget who it is that runs the show around here.
 S- watch it fanboy, we all know who the talent is at this magazine.
 D- yeah man, you really bring in the bucks. Why, without you, we probably wouldn't make any money at all off of this little venture. Hell, if I didn't have you carrying me with your massive legion of fans, I'd probably have to give up the mansion and the six cars. Why...
 S- OK, OK, you made your point. Let's just move on, shall we
 D- Sure thing Skip. Always a pleasure.
 S- OK, so what possessed you to start a web 'zine?
 D- Well, for one thing I wanted to be able to write whatever I wanted without having to worry about it being approved. If I wanted to do a story on a subject that interested me, I didn't want to have to deal with some editor telling me to write something else.
 S- So then you have a problem with authority?
 D- Only when it doesn't agree with my preconceived notions. Second, we wanted a place to showcase talent that otherwise might not be published. Andy and I both feel that there is a lot of undiscovered talent out there because traditional media are unwilling or unable to publish them.
 S- So then it wasn't just about meeting babes?
 D- Excuse me?
 S- Babes, chicks, skirts... that's really why you do this, right?
 D- Where did you get a twisted idea like that?
 S- Your bio...
 D- That was a joke you putz, we didn't put in all this work just to meet women. I was kidding, you know, that famous SCROOMtimes sarcastic sense of humor...
 S- Uh Huh, right, OK, So what's ahead for the magazine?
 D- It was a joke you know.
 S- Get past it man.
 D- OK, What's ahead? Well we want to expand the merchandise line.
 S- In what way?
 D- You know, hats, bumper stickers, more T-shirt designs, possibly a line of home essentials...
 S- Bumper Stickers?
 D- Yeah, among other things
 S- I've got one for you
 D- Let's hear it.
 S- "I'm smarter than you, I read Skippy"
 D- Your modesty overwhelms.
 S- What could I possibly have to be modest about?
 D- Want that alphabetical? Or would you prefer it on a timeline?
 S- Piss off nancyboy, we know who the talent is around here...
 D- Yeah, the poor bastard that has to edit your slop...
 S- Slop!!!! Slop!!!! What the hell are you talking about slop!!!! I am a professional journalist damn it!!!! Every month I turn out high quality insight and commentary on the human condition and you call it slop!!!!
 D- You turned your last story in written on two cocktail napkins and a burger wrapper. The spellcheck crashed six times on the first paragraph. We still haven't been able to get the smell out of the scanner...
 S- I told you not to run Tony's column through there...
 D- Please, you know as well as I do that Tony doesn't write columns for months ending in 'R'.
 S- OK, you got me there...So why didn't my picture go up with everyone else's?
 D- A picture of you? Are you insane? Isn't our circulation small enough already?
 S- What the hell are you getting at? We're twins for Christ's sake.
 D- You haven't left the house in three years. You look like a pale version of a heroin addict. I am frankly stunned you would even suggest that we put your picture where decent people might see it. My God man, we may have looked alike at one time. Now though, after all the booze and the drugs, you look like Lurch's second cousin, you look like a cave-in victim, you look like...
 S- You know if this just going to be one long attack on me, we can stop right now.
 D- You're right, I apologize, give me another question.
 S- Well...ummm...actually I don't have any more questions.
 D- That's all you have? You ask me like three actual magazine related questions and that's it? This is what you call professional journalism? What about our responsibility to our readers to give them High quality, in depth writing every month?
 S- Oh give me a break. We're going to have to chop the shit out of this anyway. We're already running too long for our readers to make to the end without drooling on themselves.
 D- Oh I don't know about that I think our readers...
 S- Oh stop sucking up, they're a pack of mouthbreathers and you know it.
 D- I don't know about that...
 S- You realize of course, they don't know where we live.
 D- They are sort of a pack of sorry geeks. I mean how tough is it to throw a rant up every now then and they can't even manage that. We put this wonderful little magazine out for their enjoyment every month and can they even bother to respond to anything we do?!? No! They just sit back on their sorry asses and stare at it all glassy eyed and slackjawed. It's like writing for the cast of deliverance...
 S- Feel better now do we?
 D- Actually yeah I do. I can see why you're always so calm around deadlines now.
 S- Indeed. Well thanks for sitting down with me.
 D- My pleasure Skip.
 S-Don't call me that!!!!
 D- Yeah, whatever, back in the closet...

signed, Skippy
[an error occurred while processing this directive]