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Volume 2 , Number 10
Nov , 1997

Clever Skippy Icon

 Hey kids! Skippy here. You know I've always had something of a soft spot for losers. The lame, the sick, the weak have always had a special place in my heart. Why do you think I write for people like you? Why do you think the sports teams I love have given me one championship in twenty years? Why do you think I work with the people I do? I mean take a look at the staff pictures for God's sake. Aside from the lovely and talented Fiona you couldn't find a worse collection of misfits on a bet. That brings me to the point of this month's lesson. Our collective lack of appreciation for the losers among us.
 Recently one of my colleagues announced that he was giving up on his favorite team and going free agent. Did he do this for moral reasons? Did he do this out of a sense of betrayal? No, he did this because they were (are) a pack of losers. I for one ask what sort of message that sends? Are we to assume that he will dumping his friends next because they are losers? Will he be quitting his job because he works with losers? Will he be moving because he lives with a loser? In short, will he simply continue cutting himself loose of everyone that doesn't meet his standards as a winner?
 We've all been there folks. We have all said it at one time or another. "What a loser," we have said with malice in our hearts. I have done it, I know. I'm sure you have as well. I say it's time to stop. I say it's time for someone to stand up and say "I dig losers and I don't care who knows it." I want to be that man.
 You see folks it's really pretty simple. If you look back at the long history of this great nation you will find we were built by losers. Oh sure, most of them turned out all right in the end, but they started out as losers. The original immigrants that founded this nation? They couldn't make it in the old world. The men who fought and died to ensure our freedom from Great Britain? Hell, George Washington couldn't manage his finances and he had wooden teeth and he lost far more battles than he won. The War Between the States that abolished slavery? U.S. Grant went bankrupt more times than most of us change socks. The settlers that opened the West for expansion? Two words...Custer & Alamo. Our history is littered with losers that have made a valid and lasting contribution to our society and yet still we scorn them.
 I say enough. I say that it is time America set aside a day for the losers (and no, the AFC championship game doesn't count). A day when we can all get together and say "Hey buddy, thanks for making me feel better about myself ." We need a day when we can call up all those losers that we know and tell them how much we appreciate sharing oxygen with them. I'm not sure when this day will be, perhaps Andy's birthday, but I know that it's needed. I know that we as a nation can no longer continue this slavish addiction to victory at all costs.
 Granted this attitude worked out pretty well for us the 200 years or so. The killer instinct, win at all costs, no pity for the weak, that's all well and good when you are a young stud of a nation on the rise. That isn't us any more though, folks. We have collectively hit middle age and we're still out there chasing 19 year olds, it just isn't proper or healthy. It's time to pull back, accept our limitations and act our age. In short, it's time to embrace losing.
 Let's face it, most of us lose more than we win. It's a fact of life that we all learn to accept with time. You don't always get the job, or the girl, or that "Costanza" parking spot right down front. Do you beat yourself up over it? No, of course you don't. You move on, you accept that into each life a little rain must fall. Well I say, it's time to pray for rain. It's time for all of us to sit outside in a downpour till we get all pruned up. Kick back, have a beer, pop in that video of the supermodels that you finally admit you will never, ever, in a million years, not even on a planet with a green sun, have a chance with and enjoy the freedom of the defeated. Revel in the knowledge that you have gotten as far as your pathetic skills are going to take you and relax. Be content in the realization that not only are you not above average, you would need a step ladder to find mediocre. And remember kids, there are a whole lot more losers than winners in this life, no matter what that putz Tony Robbins says. "God, what a loser he is..."

signed, Skippy
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