Volume 2, Number 4 -- April, 1997

Buy a Damned T-Shirt!
The BackPage

Why Dogs are Better Than Women

  • Dogs don't cry.
  • Dogs love it when your friends come over.
  • Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
  • Dogs think you sing great.
  • A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
  • Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
  • The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
  • Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
  • Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
  • Dogs are excited by rough play.
  • Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
  • Dogs understand that farts are funny.
  • Dogs love red meat.
  • Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
  • Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
  • If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
  • Dogs don't shop.
  • Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
  • A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
  • Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
  • A dog's parents never visit.
  • Dogs love long car trips.
  • Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
  • Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
  • When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
  • Dogs like beer.
  • Dogs don't hate their bodies.
  • No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
  • Dogs never criticize.
  • Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  • Dogs never expect gifts.
  • It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
  • Dogs don't worry about germs.
  • Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
  • Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
  • Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
  • Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
  • You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
  • Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelery.
  • Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
  • Dogs never want foot-rubs.
  • Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
  • Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
  • Dogs can't talk.
  • Dogs aren't catty.
  • Dogs seldom outlive you.

How Dogs and Women are Alike

  • Both look stupid in hats.
  • Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
  • Both tend to have "hip" problems.
  • Neither understand football.
  • Both look good in a fur coat.
  • Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
  • Neither believe that silence is golden.
  • Both constantly want back rubs.
  • Neither can balance a checkbook.
  • You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
  • Both put too much value on kissing.

How Women are Better than Dogs

  • Women leave the room to fart.
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