Volume 2, Number 4 -- April, 1997

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Random Thoughts

 Hey kids! skip is in the house...don't you just hate it when people do that? You know, attempt to sound cool by appropriating catch phrases. God that pisses me off, which is a nice segue into this month's topic...Random Thoughts and People That Piss Me Off. You know that it is a bad month for the ol' skipster when he can't even come up with an entire RT column or a PTPMO column. How hard is it really? It's not like I'm writing for the brightest bunch of folks out there, I'm writing for mouthbreathers like you. Don't get all whiny on me, you know I love you all. Let's just move on from this unpleasantness and strengthen this relationship, together shall we?
  • It's spring again, the sun is shining, the weather is warming and the hometown team is out on the diamond preparing for another summer in the sun. Will they contend? Will they set new scoring records? Will they pitch a no-hitter? Will any of us ever care again?
  • It's time for a new name at the top of the unhealthy fixation pile. Sorry Bridget Fonda, you captivated the Skip's attention for lo! these many years. Time for you to make way for the new girl in town, Hudson Leick. The geeks out there will recognize her as Callisto, the psychopathic Barbie doll from Xena: Warrior Princess. To those of you who have lives, trust me, she is well worth an unhealthy fixation or two.
  • PTPMO item - Anyone and everyone who is or ever was in any way connected to the OJ trials. Yes, that does include Ron and Nicole.
  • PTPMO item 2 - Morons, yes I am aware that this means that I am pissed off at ninety percent of all humans on the planet. It OK though, I can handle the strain.
  • Here's a thought to all of you Republican Congressmen out there (and there are sooo many of them in the Skip Army). Leave Bill the hell alone. You have been trying to nail him for nearly five years now and you can't lay a glove on him. When are you going to learn he's not going away any time soon?
  • The Übergirlz have returned from their most recent US tour and are hard at work on their next album "Lick the Saw". Word has it they will doing a couple Barry Manilow covers on this one. God bless those crazy kids.
  • From the "When Will VW Learn" department: Would anyone really want to drive the same car as those snow dweebs in their latest ad? For that matter, do they honestly believe that I am going to sit there and say "Gee, I was going to buy that Civic, but since the VW comes with a 150 dollar snowboard, I’ll buy it instead."
  • Extreme sports, how pathetic does your every day life have to be before you jump off a bridge with a rubber band tied to your legs? You want extreme? Lose the rubber band and open up some more room for me on the freeway.
  • All of my pens have to be facing the same direction in my penholder at all times. Does this make me anal? Would the fact that they have to be color coded as well do the trick?
  • Just a few months till the start of the 1997 Roller Hockey International season. Do yourself a favor, spend the ten bucks, go watch a game. That way maybe you won't have to jump off of so many bridges.
  • Regarding all of the hoopla surrounding "Ellen" on ABC and whether she is or she isn't. Am I the only one out there that really doesn't care if she is lesbian, but would just like her to be funny on occasion?
  • Again, Hudson Leick, unhealthy fixation numero uno for the Skipster.
  • And I bet she is feeling pretty honored right about now. Or else she's calling the police.
  • Just a warning to all of my Skip Army out there...beware of impostors trying to pass themselves off as me. I know that it's shocking, but it has happened. I think that they're probably just trying to score with the babes. Though, you never know what a twisted mind like that is capable of when pushed to the wall.
  • Las Vegas: ludicrously tacky architecture, all you can eat buffets, red-white-and-blue slot machines and naked women just a phone call away. Folks, the Skipster's found a home.
  • Note to Dennis Rodman: "We believe that you are a freak, OK! So just knock it the hell off already."
  • Frightening thought for you. Think about just where you would be without my wisdom and guidance to help you through it all. So send me money right now, or you're on your own.
That's it for the month, see you in thirty.

signed, Skippy
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