Hey kids! skip is in the house...don't you
just hate it when people do that? You know, attempt to sound
cool by appropriating catch phrases. God that pisses me off,
which is a nice segue into this month's topic...Random Thoughts
and People That Piss Me Off. You know that it is a bad month for
the ol' skipster when he can't even come up with an entire RT
column or a PTPMO column. How hard is it really? It's not like
I'm writing for the brightest bunch of folks out there, I'm
writing for mouthbreathers like you. Don't get all whiny on me,
you know I love you all. Let's just move on from this
unpleasantness and strengthen this relationship, together shall
That's it for the month, see you in thirty.
- It's spring again, the sun is shining, the weather is
warming and the hometown team is out on the diamond preparing for
another summer in the sun. Will they contend? Will they set new
scoring records? Will they pitch a no-hitter? Will any of us ever
- It's time for a new name at the top of the unhealthy
fixation pile. Sorry Bridget Fonda, you captivated the Skip's
attention for lo! these many years. Time for you to make way for
the new girl in town, Hudson Leick. The geeks out there will
recognize her as Callisto, the psychopathic Barbie doll from
Xena: Warrior Princess. To those of you who have lives, trust me,
she is well worth an unhealthy fixation or two.
- PTPMO item - Anyone and everyone who is or ever was in any
way connected to the OJ trials. Yes, that does include Ron and
- PTPMO item 2 - Morons, yes I am aware that this means that
I am pissed off at ninety percent of all humans on the planet. It
OK though, I can handle the strain.
- Here's a thought to all of you Republican Congressmen out
there (and there are sooo many of them in the Skip Army). Leave
Bill the hell alone. You have been trying to nail him for nearly
five years now and you can't lay a glove on him. When are you
going to learn he's not going away any time soon?
- The Übergirlz have returned from their most recent US tour
and are hard at work on their next album "Lick the Saw".
Word has it they will doing a couple Barry Manilow covers on this
one. God bless those crazy kids.
- From the "When Will VW Learn" department: Would
anyone really want to drive the same car as those snow dweebs in
their latest ad? For that matter, do they honestly believe that
I am going to sit there and say "Gee, I was going to buy
that Civic, but since the VW comes with a 150 dollar snowboard,
Ill buy it instead."
- Extreme sports, how pathetic does your every day life have
to be before you jump off a bridge with a rubber band tied to
your legs? You want extreme? Lose the rubber band and open up
some more room for me on the freeway.
- All of my pens have to be facing the same direction in my
penholder at all times. Does this make me anal? Would the fact
that they have to be color coded as well do the trick?
- Just a few months till the start of the 1997 Roller Hockey
International season. Do yourself a favor, spend the ten bucks,
go watch a game. That way maybe you won't have to jump off of so
- Regarding all of the hoopla surrounding "Ellen"
on ABC and whether she is or she isn't. Am I the only one out
there that really doesn't care if she is lesbian, but would just
like her to be funny on occasion?
- Again, Hudson Leick, unhealthy fixation numero uno for the
- And I bet she is feeling pretty honored right about now. Or
else she's calling the police.
- Just a warning to all of my Skip Army out there...beware of
impostors trying to pass themselves off as me. I know that it's
shocking, but it has happened. I think that they're probably just
trying to score with the babes. Though, you never know what a
twisted mind like that is capable of when pushed to the wall.
- Las Vegas: ludicrously tacky architecture, all you can eat
buffets, red-white-and-blue slot machines and naked women just a
phone call away. Folks, the Skipster's found a home.
- Note to Dennis Rodman: "We believe that you are a
freak, OK! So just knock it the hell off already."
- Frightening thought for you. Think about just where you
would be without my wisdom and guidance to help you through it
all. So send me money right now, or you're on your own.