Volume 2 , Number 10
October , 1997

In the finest backpage tradition, we present to you, our beloved readers, something that we found floating around the Internet. You think you can do better? Go right ahead!

1. "H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water"
2. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
3. "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
4. "Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin, Hydrogin is gin and water"
5. "Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries,vanes and caterpillars"
6. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other"
7. "Respiration is composed to two acts: first inspiration, and then expectation"
8. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, except deader"
9. "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull"
10. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire"
11. "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to"
12. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends towards the moon,because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight"
13. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinxt it is"
14. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa"
15. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German"
16. "Liter: A nest of young puppies"
17. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat"
18. "Momentum: Something you give a person when they are going away"
19. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky"
20. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot"
21. "Vacuum: A large,empty space where the pope lives"
22. "Before giving a blood transfusion,find out if the blood is affirmative or negative"
23. "To remove dust from the eye,pull the eye down over the nose"
24. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops"
25. "For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it"
26. "For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat"
27. "When you breathe, you inspire. When you don't, you expire"
28. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"
29. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow"
30. "The body consists of three parts: The Brainium,the Borax and the Abominable cavity. The Brainium contains the brain. The Borax contains the heart and lungs. The Abominable Cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five: they are: a,e,i,o,and u"