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Volume 1, Number 3.1
January, 1998

Clever Skippy Icon
Random Thoughts

 Hey kids! Skippy here with you again. Well you knew that we were due for one of these pretty soon since I've been able to write entire columns for a couple months running. So without further ado, let's get into some random thoughts for a better tomorrow...
  • So I'm driving in the UberGeo and this song called "Kiss the Rain" by someone named Bobby something or other starts playing. Let me hit you with a lyric, "kiss the rain when you are lonely or tempted". I'm paraphrasing of course but you get the point. Why is this loser annoying me on my radio and the UberGirlz can't get airplay to save their lives?
  • Another music item: I'm in the UberGeo, the Spice Girls come on, I don't change the station. As a matter of fact I leave it there for the entire song...Please...Help...Me
  • Muchos Kudos to the VW people. I have pounded you in the past for your pathetic advertising. I just want to congratulate you for the two guys and the chair spot for the Golf. Now you are hitting the mark, people who still pick furniture off of curbs (me included) are your prime market. The rest of your advertising still sucks, but I would buy a Golf if I had any money.
  • Thank you Bank of America for constantly reminding me that today I didn't get married, buy a house, have child or start a new job. In short my life is the same mix of quiet, pathetic agony that it has been for a while now. Oh yeah, I'm banking with you.
  • You know kids, I was concerned about "Friends" after seeing the first couple episodes this year. It seemed as though they'd hit a rut. The whole Ross & Rachel thing you know. I am happy to report that since then they have kicked out the jams comedy-wise. The best insult of the season thus far? Rachel to Ross "It doesn't happen to everyone and it is a big deal!" Men across the nation (myself excluded) shot a glance at their significant others when that line hit.
  • "Dellaventura". "The Equalizer" but with a fat Italian guy and no Mickey Kostmeyer.
  • PC and Pixel, still not funny
  • Much welcome to our new writers, Molly Degnan & Samantha King. We've needed some more hotties around here for a while. After all, my sex appeal is limited to the female of the species.
  • Note to Oliver Stone. It isn't a conspiracy my friend, your last movie just sucked.
  • So Jenny McCarthy's TV show is floundering in the ratings. That wouldn't have anything to do with her complete and utter lack of comedic ability would it?
  • All hail Dick, the creative genius behind the Miller Lite ads. It's really a shame the beer is such swill, I'd like to support that kind of advertising.
  • On another beer note. Hello Miller, showing fat, ugly people bowling is not going to increase sales.
  • You know, I'm kind of starting to believe Jack-in-the-Box really is run by a guy with a giant clown head. Does this mean I'm impressionable?
  • Have you ever pleasured a woman for so long that she was incapable of thought or movement for the next four days? Of course you haven't, you're not Skippy.
  • I am Skippy, by the way.
  • John Denver is dead. Somewhere Hunter S. Thompson is laughing his ass off. Unless he isn't, in which case my apologies and condolences to the good doctor.
  • Fab movie line of the month, "What kind of God kills a dog's leg?"
  • VW advertising alert- Does anyone else watching that Passat ad realize that the Dude is going to resent the living hell out of Sophie in about five years? I mean c'mon now, giving up Nepal and a tattooed chick? While you're at it, why don't you take a job you hate and have kids that you don't want?
  • And what does watching a guy choose a life of quiet desperation over adventure and great sex have to do with boxy German cars?
  • A big welcome back to the Land of The Lost to our friend Dean. I always knew he couldn't cheer for a winner...
See you in thirty kids,

signed, Skippy
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