Volume 3, Number 2
Hey there, and welcome to the SCROOMtimes MailBag. We've been giving all your letters to Skippy in his closet, and those he thinks that we ought to use, he spits out. And I mean, literally spits out. So, making this feature can get pretty disgusting.
But I digress. Onto your letters!
are a retard
And you, sir, are an AOL user. Draw your own conclusions. And I love apples.
Saturday Night Fever
I happened to come upon your "lets bash SNF" page last week, and was a wee bit perturbed. It was a nice page, technically and stuff, but your perception of one of the greatest movies made blew goats. Granted everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but seriously that line that said the only way to enjoy the movie, was to be inebriated...that was kind of harsh. Movies that come under that category... does "Independence Day" come to mind?
My first inclination is to rip it apart, but upon reconsideration, there's nothing to rip. There's no actual critique except, "SNF rocked and screw you for not liking it." I don't see how I can respond to that. I actually had to re-read my original article to remember what I wrote since the letter didn't mention anything useful about it. Anyway, it was amusing. I would have preferred something more supportive, but it's still comforting to know that I can rattle people at their roots (or bell-bottoms). I wonder who else I can piss off?
Can't Buy Me Love
What happened with Amanda Peterson?
No one knows for sure. I do however have possesion of the black hat. I pay prostitutes 50 dollars to wear it and sit on my riding mower...
Now here is an article that grips the imagination, and makes me very ashamed of my life! Please write more like this--everyone needs to read thoughts like these.
Lt. Kelly Flynn
I just finished reading your article on Lt. Kelly Flynn (yes, I see the original date. I know I'm a bit behind). Wow!! I don't think I've seen anyone sum up this entire ordeal quite as well. Kudos. You covered every bit of what I've tried to say, when asked about my opinion. Great job! (The part about Timothy McVeigh illegally parking was really funny!)
Next, we have a series of letters. Sometimes, Skippy is truly afraid of our readers...
Oddly enough, we stopped getting letters like this soon after we learned Rush Limbaugh had stopped paying his Internet bill...