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Volume 3, Number 2
February, 1998

To You Scroomers...

 Hey there, and welcome to the SCROOMtimes MailBag. We've been giving all your letters to Skippy in his closet, and those he thinks that we ought to use, he spits out. And I mean, literally spits out. So, making this feature can get pretty disgusting.
But I digress. Onto your letters!

Regional Action

Dear Dean,
Let me tell ya that there are millions of irate football fans here in New York City who feel as you do regarding NFL broadcasts of games of regional (as in "little" or "no") interest. Last year's NY Jets went was painful to watch......and worse than that was boring. Our Jets and Giants don"t even play their games in New York State any more, yet I am forced to watch them and miss the great matchups the rest of the country gets to see. An acquaintance who was incarcerated on the NY-Canada border reports that, with TV reception from Vermont and New Hampshire, the selection of games was so good on Sunday that he sincerely misses that aspect of prison life. The conclusion reached around here is that the NFL wants us all to buy satellite dishes and subscribe to that costly package of DBS games. Maybe I'll actually get out of my apartment on a Sunday afternoon....give fresh air and sunshine a try. Nah...I'd rather watch a good football game.
Peace. C


are a retard
how do you like them apples?


And you, sir, are an AOL user. Draw your own conclusions. And I love apples.

Saturday Night Fever

I happened to come upon your "lets bash SNF" page last week, and was a wee bit perturbed. It was a nice page, technically and stuff, but your perception of one of the greatest movies made blew goats. Granted everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but seriously that line that said the only way to enjoy the movie, was to be inebriated...that was kind of harsh. Movies that come under that category... does "Independence Day" come to mind?

Saturday Night Fever is like a cult movie, which is up there with movies like Trainspotting, The Graduate, Hair and stuff. The movies may suck but you have to respect the fact that they shape contemporary audiences. The page would have been fine if you could have justified your contempt for the movie with a note from your pyschiatrist or something. As well as this unjustified animosity, you mentioned that the movie was released when you were three years old. Yeah, i'm sure watching John Travolta dancing had a real traumatizing effect on the rest of your life. The movie was made three years before I was born, and it rocked. Thats all I had to say. Later.

Anood Taqui

My first inclination is to rip it apart, but upon reconsideration, there's nothing to rip. There's no actual critique except, "SNF rocked and screw you for not liking it." I don't see how I can respond to that. I actually had to re-read my original article to remember what I wrote since the letter didn't mention anything useful about it. Anyway, it was amusing. I would have preferred something more supportive, but it's still comforting to know that I can rattle people at their roots (or bell-bottoms). I wonder who else I can piss off?

Can't Buy Me Love

What happened with Amanda Peterson?

CFC Curator

No one knows for sure. I do however have possesion of the black hat. I pay prostitutes 50 dollars to wear it and sit on my riding mower...

The Room

Now here is an article that grips the imagination, and makes me very ashamed of my life! Please write more like this--everyone needs to read thoughts like these.


Lt. Kelly Flynn

I just finished reading your article on Lt. Kelly Flynn (yes, I see the original date. I know I'm a bit behind). Wow!! I don't think I've seen anyone sum up this entire ordeal quite as well. Kudos. You covered every bit of what I've tried to say, when asked about my opinion. Great job! (The part about Timothy McVeigh illegally parking was really funny!)

Sergeant Brian Glusing

"To the Everlasting Glory of the Infantry!!!"

Next, we have a series of letters. Sometimes, Skippy is truly afraid of our readers...

halarious (sic)

Letter 1

ur page i shalarious u should have jokes about people tho.... un knoe caps jus a suggestion

Letter 2

the sh*t page is halarios nasty tho.....wellz u'll be expecting alot more halarious thing from meeh

Letter 3

i told u u would get moe frim meeh...i like the way ur thinking about humor it's halarious..........u should have moe i like the way ur thinkings there halarious


Oddly enough, we stopped getting letters like this soon after we learned Rush Limbaugh had stopped paying his Internet bill...
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