Volume 3, Number 2
Skippy feels the Love
Hey kids! Skippy is with you once again. It's February folks and I think we all know what that means...that's right, the month after January! No, that isn't it at all. February means Valentine's Day, the day when extortion is made legal. The day that prostitution becomes not only accepted but encouraged for twenty-four hours. The day when...well I think that all of my valued regular readers know how the ol' Skipster feels about this quasi-holiday. If you aren't a regular reader and you don't know how I feel about V-day then what the hell is the matter with you? Do you think I have nothing better to do than bring every other mouth breather that wanders across my column up to speed on the goings on within the Skip Army? Screw you pal, read the archives, I have a life, I don't have time for your crap.
Gee that felt good, I really ought to vent more often. At any rate, you are all probably wondering how I plan on skewering the big V-day this year. Well I'm sorry to disappoint but this season I'm along for the ride. I won't be buying anyone flowers or anything like that, but I do plan to honor the day in my own special way. As many of you already know (and as for the rest of you...don't get me started) I am something of a pop culture aficionado. OK, pop culture whore is probably more apt but this is a family column. With that in mind I decided to scour the ol' memory banks and provide you the finest romantic moments in television history.
Now before we get started I feel I ought to explain to you what I mean by romantic moments. I'm not just talking about "boy gets girl" type stuff here. I am talking about moments with some raw emotional power, be it joy or agony. Because let's face it, anyone that tells you romance doesn't involve bucketloads of pure, unadulterated emotional pain is deluded and just possibly a danger to himself and others. Sure it also provides you moments of sheer joy, but you have to be wet before you can be really dry, know what I mean? So without further ado, let's curl up on the couch, grab the remote and get us some romance...
Moment #1 The all-time best romantic moment was the Alex & Ellen double episode from Family Ties. It starts with Alex choosing his girlfriend from the Freshman directory (this episode also features Alex expounding on the theory of the "girl store" which I heartily endorse). It ends nearly sixty minutes later with Alex professing his love for Ellen in a train station in Pennsylvania (yours' truly lifted large parts of Alex's dialogue in this one to propose to his sig oth, I still don't think she's aware of that. Thank God she doesn't read this mag.) This moment features what is probably Michael J. Fox's career highpoint as an actor. His portrayal of a man who is forced to break out of his personality at gunpoint to be with the one he loves is amazing. By the way, she leaves him to go to Paris the following season. Pain and pleasure, folks.
Moment #2 The number two romantic moment is the one where Ross & Rachel get back together from Friends. In this one Rachel is pissed at Ross for pretty much the whole season because he made up a list of the pros and cons of dating her (a very sensible move actually). The gang gathers to view some old home videos of Monica's and Rachel's Senior prom, while Ross looks distinctly uncomfortable. In the video Rachel's date doesn't show up and Ross's parents convince him to take Rachel to the prom instead. He gets all dolled up only to find that Rachel's date has arrived and they are on their way out the door. The home video ends with a shot of Ross in his dad's tux on the steps with a look that only David Schwimmer has. Cut back to the friends' apartment and Ross is on his way out the door, that is until Rachel jumps up, runs across the room and plants one on him, fade to black. What makes this one work is that the network didn't even advertise it. The buildup was around the humor of the videos. You had no idea that they were going to get back together in this episode. This is a lesson that Caroline in the City might consider learning.
Moment #3 This one comes from thirtysomething. It features Gary, golden-haired playboy and all around babe magnet falling in love...and blowing it sky high. It seems that just before he meets The One, he has a fling with a married woman. She pulls a Fatal Attraction on him much to his dismay. The One hears a message on his answering machine (guys, never, ever, under any circumstances play your messages while a woman you are dating is in the room.) from the psycho married lady and goes ballistic. She storms out with Gary trailing behind and roars away in her car. But not before she lets Gary know that she did indeed love him and he could have had everything he ever wanted if only he could have made the commitment. The show ends with our pal Gary standing in the snow, staring after her car, muttering "but I did" over and over again. The beauty of this one is that she never came back, they were never reunited, and he died in a car accident a couple of season's later without ever having another chance. The lesson being that unlike on TV, when a relationship is broken in real life it is just broken, move on from it. Yes, I know that this actually happened on TV but you get my point, pinhead.
Well there you have it folks, the top three romantic moments in TV history. I can hear some of you whimpering, "What about Moonlighting or Cheers?" To you I can only say, "Shut up you pathetic morons, you're opinion is not only uninformed but unwanted." Have a happy Valentine's Day.