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Volume 3, Number 3
March, 1998

The BackPage Winter Olympic Events We Would Like To See

by Your SCROOMers

 With the recent ending of the Winter Olympics, we here at the 'times were sitting around discussing how lame most of the events are. We admit, seeing chick hockey was great, but pre-pubescent girls in tight outfits skating around in circles just doesn't do it for us (Katarina Witt, where are you?!).
 Anyway, in the course of our discussions, we came up with some new events that we think the International Olympic Committee ought to consider adopting. The ratings would go up all over the world! That is, as long as CBS wasn't doing the broadcasting again (stinkeroo, guys).
 Without further ado, here we go:
  • Demolition downhill
  • Wet T-shirt women's hockey
  • Snowbank penmenship
  • Nude mixed doubles luge
  • Bobsled jousting
  • Sonny Bono memorial tree slalom
  • Seal clubbing
  • Sumo luge
  • Icicle catching
  • Snowboard avalanche surfing
  • Innertube moguls
  • Penguin toss
  • Three legged speed skating
  • Exotic ice dancing
  • Snowblower rodeo
  • Heterosexual figure skating
  • Polar bear milking

 We hope that the IOC takes our suggestions under advisement.
 Your SCROOMers
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