Volume 3, Number 5
May, 1998

	Masculinity Test
by Your SCROOMers

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
   1. Lovemaking
   2. Screwing
   3. The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
   
   
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
   1. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
   2. Your blood-test results
   3. Five tequila slammers
   
   
3. You time your orgasm so that:
   1. Your partner climaxes first
   2. You both climax simultaneously
   3. You don't miss SportsCenter
   
   
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   1. Healthy, creative love-play
   2. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
   3. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
   
   
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
   1. The best part of the experience
   2. The second best part of the experience
   3. $100 extra
   
   
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is
   1. No concern of yours
   2. Not a problem - she can join your gym
   3. A conservative estimate
   
   
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is
   1. A myth
   2. An oxymoron
   3. A moron
   
   
8. Foreplay is to sex as
   1. Appetizers is to entree
   2. Priming is to painting
   3. A queue is to an amusement park ride
   
   
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
   1. "I hope we can still be friends."
   2. "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
   3. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population You."
   
   
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate
    1. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
    2. Is uptight and a waste of time
    3. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Scoring: