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Volume 3, Number 5
May, 1998

deliberate ambiguity

by Marie Kazalia 95/98

gay library has smell of coconut lollipops
I feel I've been discussed in Hawaii--between men--
In the communal toilet this morning--
new blood sprays over old on yellow door
Freshly dried blood drops on tile floor--
Where a junkie shot up this morning
sitting on the toilet
        My meds-thickened feces
makes me strain in constipation
as my mind works-out pragmatic formula--
in My poems, gay & straight women
enjoy each other's company
No fear
What is there to fear
---other women
not lezs-- have tried to SAVE me--fearing
I'd go over to the other side--one woman,
my own AGE--had the nerve to interfere
in my life---with my date
(thought I'd follow exactly as a young friend
tried Lez never returned to men)
Trying to be my auntie grandmother
I told her to get off my back--
NOTHING TO FEAR I said knowing I never stick
with anything very long
no fear of pregnancy
none of all those fears with a man
living together--physical violence more likely
unfaithfulness--VD--psychological torment
as the MAN tries his rude - crude -best
to keep his woman in her place--
No-wonder so many, by middle-age-------------
opt for celibacy
as I get older begin realizing
Having lots of love-affairs not a bad thing
as young women--like I once was--are taught
while getting older wasting time
following other's bad advice
to keep you from troubling THEM
by living your own life--
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