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Volume 3, Number 6
June, 1998

Tales of the Geek Lord
The Truth is Overrated

by Pelican Smith

It's a great time to be a paranoid. All these new drugs which can regrow hair, cure impotency, cure cancer, make you lose weight... Then they make you have heart attacks, nerve damage, and go blind. The Gulf War, leaks about CIA operations, everything Clinton has ever done, and a thousand other ideas leak into our skulls and grow there like fungus.

It is tantalizing to think that some of the nuttiest conspiracy theories may be true. And astounding when the truth comes out, and actual conspiracies are unearthed. What sounds more preposterous, that the Department of Energy conducted radiation testing on humans, or that the FBI assassinated JFK? Which is more likely? Which is true?

I love a good conspiracy. Here are my favorites.
  1. The CIA Sells Drugs. The Central Intelligence Agency - The are a government organization, but they are so secret that they can build million dollar sites without congress even knowing. If you are a conspiracy nut, you have to love these guys. They have their own spy satellites, they know where Saddam Hussein is at any given moment, but they can't stop Columbia from producing cocaine? Remember, this is the agency that was smuggling heroin during the Vietnam war in operation Air America. They also found money for the Contra's when the legitimate source from Congress dried up.
  2. The Illuminati are Running the World. We know that money can buy anything (except, reportedly, love), and that money frequently does buy everything. We also know that a very, very small percentage of people are so terrifyingly rich that they can lock themselves away beyond the reach of any law enforcement agency idiotic enough to take them on. All that money. You could influence leaders that way. You could buy puppet leaders who follow your every order. These are the folks who destroyed the Asian economy by suddenly selling their stocks (causing the prices to drop) and then rebuying them after the panic set in.
  3. The Religious Right Developed AIDS. I'm not quite sure where it says so in the Bible, but apparently all homosexuals are going to Hell, because every religious zealot I have ever met told me so. Imagine if, in some way, the wrath of God could be, ummm, assisted, by introducing a virus which strikes people down for their sins. This conspiracy is so tantalizing because we all know that even if the Rolex wearing JAAYYY-ZUS freaks didn't invent AIDS, they sure do appreciate it.
  4. The HAARP Project The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a large facility in Alaska, where the Navy is building several towers similar to Tesla coils. They will bake the ionosphere, but why? You can bet the US Military is not interested in looking at a pretty Borealis night sky. My bet is that it's a weapon for Information Warfare to screw up missile guidance and satellite systems. But it could also be used as a signal to our alien overlords.

Links to Make You Think
  1. America's Drug Dealer: The CIA
  2. The Assassination of JFK
  3. The Illuminati
  4. AIDS as a Weapon of War
  5. Human Radiation Experiments
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