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Volume 3, Number 8
August, 1998

The BackPage Words of Wisdom...

by Your SCROOMers

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
  • Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
  • Wink, I'll do the rest!
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
  • Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
  • Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
  • Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  • Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  • Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  • i souport publik edekasion
  • We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
  • Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
  • 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...til you can find a rock.
  • I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
  • ..a beach bum, man for all seasides..
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