Volume 3, Number 9
Hail to the Chief
Hey kids! Skippy here again. Do you know what it's like to wake up one day and realize you have a deadline in less than a week? No, of course you don't, that would imply that you are able to write and personally I think reading is a bit beyond you. I do know what it is like, because I am Skippy and I do keep this rag afloat with my wit and my wisdom. The only problem being that I don't feel particularly witty or wise this month. It would be a good month for a random thoughts column, but I don't think I could come up with that many thoughts in a row at this point. This opening paragraph kinda fills you with confidence for the rest of the piece doesn't it? Not to worry kids, I am after all a professional and I won't let you down, life has done enough of that already.
I was watching with some interest a discussion on CNN about the whole Clinton/Lewinsky situation and I was struck by one overriding thought, "Isn't there baseball game on somewhere?" Granted, baseball is a boring sport to watch on TV, but at least it eventually ends. This C/L affair though, my God, it seems as though we have been putting up with this since Reagan was President. It seems that no matter how doggedly the American people persist in their lack of interest Ken Starr just keeps on keeping on with this tawdry little spectacle. The mainstream pundits meanwhile continue to claim that we are just one revelation away from somebody actually giving a damn. Remember when they said that if a "smoking gun" were found that conclusively proved that the affair had taken place then the American public would rise up in moral indignation? Then the dress came out and we still didn't care. Then they said that if Clinton were forced to admit to the affair it was all over for him? Well he admitted it and guess what? The vast majority of us still couldn't care less. Now they say that if it can be proven that he told her to lie about the affair we will march en masse and forcibly remove that vile bugger from the White House. I have some news for the political punditry of this land. OF COURSE HE TOLD HER TO LIE ABOUT IT!!!! We all knew that six months ago and guess what? WE STILL DON'T CARE!!!!
I actually heard one of these talking heads say that the American people could handle the fact that Clinton had the affair, but that there was no way they could stand for the "Constitutional Crisis" that would be brought on if Clinton were proved to have perjured himself. I wonder what color the sky is in his world? The American people are more than willing to let Clinton do whatever he wants with whoever he wants as long as we keep making money. It is really that simple, things are going better in this country than they have in a long time and rightly or not, Clinton gets most of the credit for that. Now before all of you right-wing yahoos out there send me a flood of letters about how he had little or nothing to do with it, don't. I know that and you know that, but if you were to send me nasty letters my friends and I would just get drunk and laugh out loud at how stupid you are. You really don't want that do you? The point is that Americans in general feel pretty good about this country right now and if anyone thinks they are going to screw that up because the Chief executive got a little on the side they are out of their minds.
Of course, as a Democrat I would love to see Clinton resign. Think about it, a tearful yet manly farewell speech. Then he gives a stoic performance at Gore's inauguration followed by a full blown image repair campaign in which Starr, the press and the Republicans get vilified as small-minded, partisan tools that have no regard for the good of the nation. To top it all off, Gore comes out smoking in '00 as the incumbent President of a peaceful nation with solid economic health. The Democrats play this right and the closest the Republicans will get to the White House for the next twenty years is on a tour.
That won't happen of course, Clinton loves being President and he isn't going to give it up for love or money. He is going to ride this right into the ground and if they want him out the White House before January 2001, they are going to have to come after him with tranquilizer guns and a net. Clinton is an operator from way back who has trained himself for something like this for 52 years. He will weather this storm as he has weathered each and every one before this and as he will weather each and every one that comes along after Monica is less than a footnote in history.
I have said it before and I stand by my assessment. Bill Clinton is the smoothest political operator this country has seen in a long time. The idea that a tool like Ken Starr could bring him down is ludicrous. You could send a hundred Ken Starrs after him and he would just smile that Clinton smile watch his approval ratings go through the roof. No, Clinton is here for the duration, kids and we should all be happy about that. If you have any love for the political game at all, you will join me in admiring the best practitioner of the art in this generation bob and weave his way through two more years.