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Volume 4, Number 5
May, 1999

The BackPage You may be a redneck Jedi if....

by Your SCROOMers

In the finest Backpage tradition, and in honor of the impending release of The Phantom Menace, we hereby present more stuff taken from the mass of e-mail we get. May it be Forced Into You!
  • You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
  • Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
  • You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
  • At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
  • You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
  • You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
  • The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
  • Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
  • You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
  • You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
  • Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark'll be a hoot."
  • You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
  • You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
  • You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
  • You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
  • You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
  • You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood decking.
  • You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
  • If you hear . . "Luke, I am your father ... and your uncle"

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