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Volume 4, Number 6
June, 1999

The BackPage Pull it Over, Son!

by Your SCROOMers

Well, recently, I got pulled over. Generally, I'm pretty polite when this happens. No need to antagonize the guy, I figure it's just the day I lost. Most times I win, sometimes they win. Can't be a bad sport about it. I got to spend a lovely day in traffic school, pay a fine, the usual.

But sometimes, you know, you're just in a bad mood. Or it's a totally bogus thing that you get pulled over for. Or both. So sometimes (only sometimes, mind you), I think about....

Things Not to Say to a Policeman

  • I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
  • Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
  • Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
  • Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
  • Are You Andy or Barney?
  • I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
  • You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
  • I pay your salary!
  • Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
  • Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
  • I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
  • When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
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