Volume 1, Number 5 -- December, 1996

Merry Freaking Christmas!

 Well, Ho, Ho, ho! Merry, Merry, and Happy, Happy to all. Yess, it's the holiday season, and we here at the SCROOMtimes are just as excited as the rest of you all. Our stockings are hung by the chimney with care, we've got some low-fat cookies and skim milk for the fat guy when he comes over, and there's mistletoe EVERYWHERE (hey - we want to get lucky, too!)

This is a strange issue of the 'times, folks. Our very own Dave Lind went nuts, and wrote us an entire issue, all by himself. Not wanting to disappoint him (you should have seen what happened last year - the drapes will never be the same), we have published it as a feature, "DAVEtimes".

In addition, our roving man on the street, Chris Chen, has favored us with a review of The English Patient. Now if I could just get out of this chair and go see it myself...

Our usual assortment of columns is here - Skippy is off on a movie theme of his own, the Professor has a few choice words about the wonderful Al Davis, and Dave Lind whines about 'Niner fans again in A View from the Cheap Seats.

And, we have a new poet. Check out the works of Jason Stephens' Before the Groove, Untitled, and White Knuckle Mind. And, just to prove he's still got "it", our own Dean Shutt gives us Star.

In addition, this issue of the 'times marks the return of the Drunk Tank, but now as a new column on the fine art of relaxation. Check it out!

And we have an entry from the East Coast, our man Pelican graces our BackPage with a wry look at the wonderful folks who inhabit the Internet.

So, may peace be with you all in this holiday season,

Merry Christmas!

the SCROOMtimes staff

NOTE: No, we are not politically correct. Yes, we DO say "Merry Christmas", because we feel that Christmas, whatever it's origins, is most properly a holiday spirit, not a Christian ritual. We want to include everybody in this phrase, that says, "wherever you are, at this time of year, we wish you the very best, and hope that the spirit of Christmas finds you".

At least, our publisher does.

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