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Volume 1, Number 3.1
January, 1998

A New Year's Cliche...

by The SCROOMtimes Staff

 Well, ok. It's a new year, and, well, you know what that means. Yep, time to make great-sounding New Year's resolutions that, with any luck at all, you might keep for the whole month of January. We here at the 'times are all for this tradition, and to help some of you along who might be a little behind on your own, offer up our own resolutions. Who knows, by making these public, we may just be able to keep a couple of them though February!

 Pelican Smith, The Geek Lord
  1. Travel to 10 places I've never been to before (Italy being number one)
  2. Get a promotion
  3. Learn two new (and useful) things each day
  4. Get a part time job as a pimp
  5. Submit more fiction to Scroom (Hey, I wrote one last year!)

 Molly Degnan - Movie Reviewer Extraordinaire
  1. To find a film to review that does not look as if it was written, directed and designed by preschool children.
  2. To stop yapping on about the poor quality of films these days, and actually finish my screenplay.
  3. To park my car in a seedy area in hopes that it will get stolen and I can get insurance for it.
  4. Get a new car.
  5. To keep my checkbook balanced, save 10% of my monthly income in a tax-deductible IRA, stop using credit cards, and increase my stock portfolio.
  6. HAHAHAHA!!!!
  7. To burn this list.

 Dean Shutt - He who has Returned to the Fold
  1. Go back to working out faithfully
  2. Find a date for Tony
  3. Let Skippy out of the closet at least twice a month
  4. Limit verbal pounding on Andy
  5. Decide on a hairstyle

 Andy Wallace, our ever-loving publisher
  1. to practise music more, watch TV less
  2. get a date
  3. actually work out more than once a month
  4. ride a century
  5. put anger behind me

 Fiona Jane - Mistress of her Own Domain...
  1. I will be a nicer kinder person
  2. I will not squeal at cockroaches, just calmly squish them as they scurry
  3. I will tone my body to its peak fitness and not poke fun at people who exercise because they need to
  4. I will admit that I'm not totally allergic to dust and I have a cleaner because I'm lazy
  5. I will not treat men as boys/toys/trifles/whatever
  6. I will teach my friends to treat men as boys/toys/trifles/whatever
  7. I will learn to appreciate capsicum and try blue vein cheese
  8. I will get over the fact that a fart in a lift is still funny
  9. I will not get as drunk as I did last night
  10. I will get drunker

Skippy - The One and Only

 I don't really see any room for improvement. I guess I could resolve to make a mistake or two. That way everyone out there could conceivably dream of attaining Skipdom.

 For a different look at New Year's resolutions, check out Dave Lind's "Resolutions of a Madman"...
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