By Fiona Jane
I'm always hearing about people who are waiting to hear those "three
little words" that apparently mean so much. The reference of course, is
to the phrase "I love you" but frankly most people I know are waiting to
hear very different arrangement of "three little words".
Given the choice, I have no doubt that every single person in my office
would rather hear the words "We've won Lotto!!" than "I love you". You
can fall in love umpteen times, but winning $20 million bucks?? Don't
think that comes around too often.
My friend Dina works at the Star City Casino (and there aren't many
stars there, let me assure you!). Anyway, she's a drinks waitress and
wears one of those sexy cheongsams slit up to her hips which results
many variations of "I love you"(luv) which for some reason people think
is what she wants to hear. To be perfectly honest, the only three words
she wants to hear from her ever-so-classy customers are "Keep the
One of my favourites is "Cash or credit?" as the salesperson wraps up
yet another of my unnecessary purchases. Just thinking about that
phrase now makes me want to go out and buy some shoes. I'm sure I could
justify it as everyone knows that 11 pairs of black shoes can't possibly
Our beloved Scroom publisher is always emailing me three little words, but
to my perennial disappointment, they are "where's my column?" rather
than "I love you". That's OK, I guess, seeing as to his perennial
disappointment, my answer is consistently "not done yet"!
What's the big deal with saying those reputedly magic three little words
anyway? My best friend Susan watches Seventieth Clich' - oops, I mean
Seventh Heaven, which is a pretty tragic show at any given time, but when
she was watching it last Saturday night and they were running a
storyline about how so-and-so's boyfriend hadn't said that he loved her
yet it was all I could do not to throw up on the couch. Who gives a fuck
if he said it or not?
If someone you love loves you back then you know about it. It's
something that shines through a person, and even if you try to hide the
fact that you're in love, people will know.
You know what I'm talking about, but here's some proof. My favourite
example is from my ex-boyfriend Simon. At the ripe age of 31, and not
ever having been in love before we were together, the whole intensity of
the emotion scared the proverbial out of him. I think he genuinely
thought he was too cool to fall in love and when it happened out of the
blue, he didn't know how to handle it.
One night as we were going to sleep, he kissed me on the neck and said
"You know I care about you very much, don't you?". It sounds terrible
now, but I burst out laughing and said "Don't worry sweetheart, when
you're ready to say I love you, you will". (Then I think I snorted with
laughter and muttered "Care about you very much??" a few times before I
I guess it was a bit cruel to laugh, but the point is that there's no
reason to get all worked up about whether or not someone says I love
you. That is something you do, not just something to say.
They're not the three most important little words in the world. I'm
nominating "pass the wine!" Any seconders?