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Being as the SCROOMtimes is an Internet rag, we have staff members from all over the world. But, the base of operations, the super-secret headquarters of the magazine (accessible to all staff members, of course, but the rest of you better stay away, this place is serious high-security) is here in sunny Silly-con valley. So, we know all too well how close to true this all is. But those of you who live elsewhere will find it pretty funny...

Q. Do you know how many Californians it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A. Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

You know when you're in California when...

  1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
  2. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.
  3. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
  4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring and is named Breeze.
  5. You can't pot illegal?
  6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
  7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
  8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
  9. You can't pot illegal?
  10. A really great parking space can move you to tears.
  11. A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
  12. Gasoline costs 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
  13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps and you don't even notice.
  14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
  15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
  16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into BDSM and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
  17. You can't pot illegal?
  18. It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2000."
  19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
  20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
  21. It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
  22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????
  23. You AND your dog have therapists.