Last Modified: Oct 1, 1995

Skippy's Guide to Life and Eternal Happiness

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An open letter to Mr. Bob Dole

Dear Mr. Dole,

First off I would like to tell you that I have the utmost respect for what you have done for your country. It is not everyone that would give what you have given for the somewhat ephemeral concept of "freedom." Secondly, I would like to say that, from all indications, you seem like an, intelligent, decent man. You seem to be the sort of person that would be cool to go out and have a beer with, maybe tell some dirty jokes. That being the case, you might think it odd that I've no intention of voting for you and will in fact do everything I can to see to it that you do not become President of these United States. You see, Mr. Dole, you have the albatross of the republican party hanging around neck like a piece of rotting meat. The things that the right wing of your party believes quite frankly, frighten me. I don't think that you personally care about what adults do in the privacy of their bedrooms, Mr. Dole. I also think that you don't care about praying in school, or what a woman decides to do with her own body. I applaud you for realizing that these things have nothing whatsoever to do with being the President.

The right wing of your party however - they are altogether a different story. They not only care about these issues, they actually think that you ought to as well. What is really frightening to me though, Mr. Dole, is that I think you are going to tell them that you do care. I think that if elected, you will attempt to prove to them that you care. We can't have that, Mr. Dole!

You see Mr. Dole, what the religious right does not understand is that when the constitution gave us freedom of religion, it also granted us freedom from religion. They are on a holy crusade, Mr. Dole, and holy crusades have no place in a government of free men and women. If they wish to start their children's day off with a prayer, that's all well and good, but they've no right to start the neighbor's children off with a prayer as well. If they believe that abortion is murder, then they have every right to protest against clinics and attempt to convince women not to have them. They do not however, have the right to legislate their religious beliefs into law, not in this nation at any rate. If they believe homosexuality is wrong and immoral, then certainly they shouldn't interact socially with homosexuals. What they cannot do is attempt to keep homosexuals from living their lives as they see fit, even if that includes marrying and raising children.

It's very simple, really. Mr. Dole, no matter how decent a man you are, you represent something foul and unhealthy. You represent the people who honestly believe they know more about how I should live my life than I do. That is a dangerous belief in a free and democratic society, Mr. Dole. The whole premise of this great and wonderful country of ours, Mr. Dole, is basically that I'm just as capable of deciding what to do with my life as you are, and that is a glorious thing. That is the single most important issue in this campaign, Mr. Dole! You can talk about tax cuts, and budget balancing, and foreign affairs, and all the rest all that you like. The single solitary issue in this campaign is that you have chosen to lead this religious crusade against the constitution and that you cannot succeed. It doesn't matter if you lead it willingly or not, you are still at the head and you are responsible. You have said that you possess the quality of leadership. If that is so, prove it to us Mr. Dole. Tell the religious right of your party that you have no time for moral crusades because you have issues to discuss and a country to govern. Tell them that they will have to depend on God to mete out punishment to the sinners, because the government of the United States has no business enforcing religious laws. It's funny really, when you consider how few there are of the religious right. I suppose it is a case of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. Well, let me explain something to you Mr. Dole, there are many more of us than there are of them. If they want to use presidential politics for a religious crusade so be it. Remember though, we will beat you; we have no choice.

Good Luck to you in the Fall,

Hey kids, the ol' Skipster here! Sorry I had to get all serious on you there - the old snide and irreverent skip-man will be back next week.


Back to the Tank

Skippy's Columns:
Skippy Looks at the TV Season
An Open Letter to Mr. Bob Dole
Let us Bow Our Heads in Prayer
The Family Column
Random Ideas
Why is Skippy Here?

Questions, problems, concerns? (complaints you can keep to yourself, I have enough problems) write skippy!

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